Crêpes

Ingredients:

1 cup flour

¼ tsp salt

¼ cup sugar

¼ cup oil

1 egg

1 cup milk

and a couple teaspoons of vanilla

Mix all of the dry ingredients together first, then mix in the oil, then add about a third of the milk and mix that as well as you can with a wire whisk if by hand or by mixer. After the third of the milk, slowly (To avoid lumps) add the rest of the milk. Add the egg, the vanilla, and there's your batter.

(If the pan is nonstick, not much butter will be needed. Otherwise it will make for greasy crepes.)

In large, sizzling hot, shallow pan, pour about a 1/2-3/4 cup of the batter and swirl around to coat the bottom and a bit of the edge, and swirl it around until it coats the bottom evenly. 

When the edges start to get brown and the crepe is no longer liquid, peel it up by one edge and flip it over. It will be hot, so do it carefully. 

A fork may assist you in the peeling of the crepe. 

These crepes are very desserty crepes- please don't try to put meat in them.  You will confuse the crap out of your tastebuds.

Strawberry Milkshakes that consist of Two Easy Ingredients, preferably

Ingredients:

A lot of strawberries

Vanilla ice cream

maybe bananas if you want to be gross

In blender, add a small amount of washed, cut strawberries and small amount of ice cream. Blend- if it isn't working, mush it around with a spoon- but not while it's attempting to blend. Add ice cream and strawberries as needed to create the perfect blend. Pour into large tumbler glass and drink. Don't add bananas.

Easier Than Dropping Dough in Boiling Oil Scones

Ingredients:

Rhodes dough (or just bread dough)

oil

Let bread dough raise. Make a pot of hot sizzling oil, and drop smallish balls of dough (You can flatten them a bit for a more elephant ear type of effect. Actually, do that. It's good.) into it. They should sizzle a fair bit. Make sure you don't get splashed with the oil! Turn it over once it starts turning brown. If you want to change things up a bit, stretch them out to be fairly thin, and fry them in a frying pan, turning them over and over. But use butter for that one. Top with honey or jam and try not to think about all the fat that's going straight to your butt.

You May Need To Touch Raw Meat For These Tacos

Ingredients:

1 lb brown beef- 15% fat (there's a dizzying array of fat percentages)

taco seasoning (chili powder, cumin, and garlic if no powder)

small can of tomato sauce

chopped onion

splash of water

lettuce

grated cheese

chopped up tomatoes

if you really want to, sour cream

taco shells

quesadillas

Take ½ cup of chopped onions- use 1/4 if it's dried- and add to beef in frying pan. Add some salt and pepper- what looks about right- and chop them all together, mixing them up while cooking. Dad recommends a plastic spatula for the chopping/mixing/cooking. When it's all brown, smoosh the meat to one side and let all the fat flow to one side. Scoop all of the fat into a can or something. Add taco seasoning- about ½ the package, unless you want it really spicy. Add small can of tomato sauce- it should be about 4-8 oz- dad isn't too sure. Splash a little bit of water in, and cook at low-med temperature for a minute to warm it all up. Then, paired with your other ingredients, you should have a taco bar for six tacos.

Baked Starch (Potatoes)

Ingredients:

However many potatoes you want

whatever toppings you may want

like sour cream and bacon bits.

GO CRAZY.  

Except, not gummy worm and pickled mushroom crazy.  That's when we've got a problem.

Wash up your potato. Poke holes in it all over with a fork.

For a crispy outside, do not wrap in foil.

If your potato is large, or are putting in many potatoes, in may take more time. For 1-6 normal sized potatoes, 45 minutes at 350 degrees in the oven. If your potatoes are of varying sizes, you may need to take them out at different times.

I know that this recipe is almost insultingly basic, but I figured that it would be nice to have as reference.  

Everybody's Favorite Chocolate Ribbon Pie

Ingredients:

two packages (8 oz. Each) cream cheese

Cool Whip (either three small ones or 24 oz. Different packaging...)

Some kind of mixer, blender

a large pack of Jello Instant chocolate pudding

Chocolate graham crackers (the box!)

lemon juice for 'Zing'

Sugar- normal, white, granulated sugar

Put cream cheese and half the cool whip in mixer along with a teaspoon or so of lemon juice. Mix it!

Oh yeah, crust. Food process a pack and a couple pieces of graham cracker with two Tb. Butter and a splash of milk for a while, and then press into the bottom of the dish you're making it in. Preferably a deep rectangular one. Then carefully smooth white layer in it, making sure to spread to edges. Now put the pudding in the mixing bowl and mix with a pack of cool whip. Spread over white layer. Then spread the rest of the cool whip over that.

Then, I don't know. You can make chocolate shavings and put it on top. If you really want to be decorative, mint leaves.  

This one is a Kirkwood family classic.  It's almost too good.  

You'll find yourself sneaking to the kitchen at one o clock for a bite, and not in an endearing "haha midnight snackings! How adorable!" But in a shameful "Why, why can't I stop, I need professional help" kind of way.

Geez.  I just made it sound scary.  

Guys, don't worry.  It's not quite that dire.

Especially if you make the pudding layer too thick.  Then you're relatively safe.

Baked Alaska

Ingredients:

Some form of Brownie

1 quart ice cream (You can do pretty much whatever kind of ice cream you want here, but I'd recommend mint or caramel.)

1 cup sugar

5 egg whites (use the yolks for some kind of custard)

whatever crap (such as heath/peppermint bits) you want to put on it

So this is a bit of a tricky one. Pay close attention as what I'm saying could mean the difference between life and death. Listening? Okay.

Line a 1-quart freezerproof (not glass) bowl (roughly 7 inches in diameter) with wax paper, leaving an overhang around the edges. Pack in that ice cream, and freeze it into a rock.

So make some brownies, and pour the batter into a greased AND floured 8-inch round cake pan. Bake as directions require.

So once the brownie can be flopped onto a plate (after it has cooled considerably) put your ice cream dome on top of it. Put this new creation in the freezer to cool.

Now for the fun and actually quite difficult part! THE MERINGUE.

Beat egg whites at room temperature until frothy. Gradually add 1 cup sugar, beating until stiff peaks have formed4. (2-4 minutes) Take out your ice cream and brownie dome and quickly spread the meringue over the entire surface, making sure the edges are sealed. Start by plopping it all on top and spreading down. Try to make it look decorative. Bake at 500 degrees for 2-3 minutes or until the meringue peaks are lightly browned. 

Put whatever crap you want around the edges and serve immediately or freeze. Frozen, it will keep for a week.

I once put a prospector figurine and Alaskan flag on top of mine and sprinkled heath bits all around to make it look like gold.  It was very impressive but made a lot of people think that it had much more to do with Alaska than it really does.

THE ALASKA BIT COMES FROM THE FACT IT'S GOT A FLUFFY WHITE TOP AND IS COLD AT LEAST PARTIALLY.

That is all.